Randome as well haha

I think Im going to write down here for some quite times now... since i dun kno what to do, bored life.. just want to write somethin, outside my soc.med accounts. I dun want ppl, specifically.. friends.. know it. Have u ever felt like I dun want ppl to kno bout u but u still want to post somethin, or write somethin anonymous. That s it. That is what this account for.. no one knows, n i dun have to worry bout'em knowing my kinky sides. hahahaha do I have one? I believe everyone has one... Mine is probably, I love gothic n I worship black! in my environment, this style is kinda kinky n unacceptable culture somehow. cause ppl keep starring at me when Im walkin down to street wore somethin less conservative, like full black, collar, pierchings, red lips, dark eyeshadow n thick eyeliner. I love this punk n goth way of live.. it's not like I abuse law or somethin, I don't rob, smoke, drugs or even drink. basically, I'm nerd, lab rat, loves books, prefer buyin novels or comics rather than outfits in display wear 70% off tag deal. This is me. n i love who i am, I dun need to change the way I look only for being their Barbie Doll. I m a nerd but I only wear conservative at lab or campus area.. outside.. hmm... gothicly yessss!

Me n Last Semester

What did you know bout being senior in college life? it could be fun, awesome, n strangely good... owh dont forget bout our responsibility as senior year, yup. Thesis. Research project, lab rat, nerd, extremely low self-esteem as woman, total mess (no make up, no nails art, no spa, no fashionable outfits). Yup that's me! Total nerd! the only way to have fun was playin around w chemical stuffs n engines.. That's how my life recently.. hahaha

anyway, i live my life to the fullest right now. eventho i lack in girly aspect but hey, as long as I'm okay with that n less stressed out.. so nevermind.

being ordinary girl is not that bad, but sometimes i did feel lonely, in romance aspect. trust me I'm totally unexperienced in that field. if u talk bout anime or manga or yaoi, or some useless stuffs out there I might be total professional. However, for now I'm still okay with that, as long as I'm goin to have steady work n steady life.. even if I dun get merried, maybe some adopted kids will be fine! Holy sh*t did I just write that? sorry my mind did not work properly these days.

I just wish this last semester of my college life would end well.. i really wanna leave this place as soon as possible. Then, findin steady job n steady life, owh dont forget cute pets! then make ur own boutique!

hey, it's just me n random writing! hhahahahaha!

Random

19.05.2016

when was the last time I write here?
muahahhahaha...
Anyway, my life is a messed
wait.. not really
when ppl hv painful experience which lead to traumatic memory, the only thing that keep appearing in our head is bad stuff... to put it simple, we intend to remember our painful experience rather than happiness.. well that's pretty much goin on in my head these months.. this year is quite mental breakdown for me and make me struggling to accept reality which I did it well.. I guess LOL

I m blending to social media life these years, after backstabbing inccident on september 2014 and i hv no longer close friends here in my college life, or u can say I'm NEET now!! it's hard to blend in when others hv their own group while i just kicked out by my group.. so... next option is NEET LIFE

By the way, I was betrayed okay?! it's not my fault (that s just my opinion, well these past two years I kept blamming myself) and I need new comfort life where I can express my feeling.. I failed in my social life, so that's when I hope warm hug from my own family.. which in the edge of breakdown

My dad hooked up with another widow (okay WIDOWS) and I just knew this facts recently, around December or maybe new year 2016.. what shocked me was that like my last shield of defending my own father was scattered... I always have this complecated feeling towards my dad like "why he doesnt come home often? Ok work", "why he never try to talk to me? Ok he just gv freedom to his daughter", or "why he always lies and betrayed my mom all over the time? Ok he s also human" and sometimes "why he always promise to not hurt my mom again while the next day he do that again? Ok He's a dickhead"

I m not so sure why my mom still loves this man... whenever I said "I hate my father", "I don't hv a father", at the same time I know that he is my biological dad .. but untill now, I'm not so sure to picture my own dad in words.. you know ppl said "Daughter first love is her Father" or "The only guy in the entire world who will not hurt and abandon you is your Father", this kind of "wisdom words" disn't work for me.. but one thing guys I always said to myself that I forgive him, I love him.. and I really try my best to forgive him, and talk to him, or anything that "being a good daughter".. however sometimes I just feel sick enough and need space.. do u think I deserve it? owh btw my dad ard hooked up with "someone else" since I was in junior high school maybe.. mean 8 years ago.. he already backstabbing my mom since I was kid

I wonder what is my mental status right now... well it's because I'm into Korea Drama these days and it s about DID... bout some kind of syndrom for mental illness which make u hv two personalities or more...

Gadis Kecil dan Jendelanya

       Di suatu masa dalam perjalan panjang, hiduplah seorang gadis kecil yang menatapi dunia dalam jendela kecilnya, melihat keramaian jalan perkotaan yang menyisihkannya dalam masyarakat kota. Dalam dunianya yang kecil, gadis itu sering menemukan hal baru yang menarik. Walaupun dengan kesendiriannya, gadis cilik itu tetap menemukan kebahagian.

Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, gadis itu tumbuh menjadi remaja yang mulai mengerti arti teman dan sahabat, begitupula cinta. Namun lebih dari segala itu, satu hal yang selama ini didambakan oleh gadis itu yaitu seorang sahabat. Tersenyum, bermain, dan tertawa bersama dengan orang-orang baru membuatnya melupakan dunianya yang kecil, karena kini dunianya mulai meluas. Semakin luas dunianya semakin dalam gadis itu mengerti bahwa dunia sekitarnya tidak seramah dan sebaik yang dia kira. Terkadang gadis itu kembali melihat dunia melalui jendela kecilnya, dan berfikir “Apa yang orang-orang itu sembunyikan?”, begitulah yang selalu difikirkannya.

Gadis yang meranjak remaja itu menemukan bahwa yang diinginkannya adalah hal yang sulit. Dulu, gadis itu selalu tertawa bahagia dalam kesendiriannya, namun kini kesendirian itu melecuti hatinya. Sudah sering dirinya bertemu orang baru yang membuatnya bahagia, tapi detik berikutnya orang itulah yang melukai hatinya. Berkali-kali dia kembali ke dunianya untuk melupakan luka dalam hatinya, tapi berkali-kali pula dia ingin menemukan hal yang baru, orang yang baru, dan kebahagiaan yang baru. Sebagai salah satu sifat manusia yang tidak pernah merasa puas.

Menyembuhkan luka bukanlah tidak meninggalkan bekas, dan bukan tidak mungkin luka itu semakin dalam. Kini gadis remaja itu tumbuh sampai di ujung masa keremajaannya, disaat inilah seharusnya dia sudah lebih matang dan tegar. Dicambuk berbagai pengkhianatan dan cacian, dia berdiri dengan tegap, mempertahankan tubuhnya yang setiap saat bisa tumbang. Dengan matanya yang nanar melihat dunia, yang menurutnya tidak adil, menyesali segala masa pencariannya, akhirnya gadis itu pasrah dan membiarkan dirinya tenggelam dalam luapan kesedihannya.

Dengan perlahan gadis itu kini meninggalkan masa remajanya dan menatap jendela kecilnya. Melangkah menuju dunia orang-orang yang dulu dilihatnya, dimana semua orang bisa menyembunyikan wajah mereka, dan gadis itu bersumpah dalam hatinya, “Aku tidak akan pernah membuka jendela itu lagi”.

By : Mg P Rindi

My horrible day

My back hurt around this time, I don't know how, but certainly maybe because I often take a shower at late night, or maybe because I seldom eat lunch, even didn't have any lunch and breakfast... Indeed I made myself bearing so much pain, wether it's my body or my mind... Last night I got a high fever, and it didn't take the major damage since I took my vitamins, and got high spirit in the morning... Well, How lucky I am, but now I feel whole my body is tired and my back kinda hurt... Maybe I also lose some calcium, I must buy some milks when I back to home. my stomach hurt when I cough, yes I have sore throat. In a word I'm worse!!
Huh, yesterday I had fun with my girls and hang out in the mall, watching the movie, take a lot of picture, and the most foolist thing that I've done is I forgot to take my jacket with me, I left them in the parking area on motorcycle. While my mind is busy with the movie, I forgot my body is freezing. That's the major mistake I made the other day, and the biggest cause I got fever last night. Blame Me!!!
My mind is not ready for heavy, heavier thought and I've got my post test today... Sh*t, damn it!!! Now I get sore with my body, and my mind... Well, I could only think the possitive point of view, Tomorrow is holiday!!!